How to Win Friends and Influence People was written by Dale Carnegie who was a traveling salesman. Students want to pay him so that they can learn public speaking from him. Due to this, he realized that this skill of his is very valuable and a part of his sales success, he also opened his Dale Carnegie Institute. How to win friends & influence people was one of the first bestseller self-help book to be published. It was published in 1936 and sold more than 15 million copies worldwide (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
This book has something for everyone to learn. It outlines straightforward principles that we frequently fail to remember and apply.
This summary presents the four ideas of Carnegie, as well as some guiding principles that we can comprehend:
– Fundamental methods for dealing with people.
– How to get others to like you.
– How to persuade others to adopt your way of thinking
– How to change people without making them feel bad or making them angry.
Step.1 Fundamental methods for dealing with people
The first idea by Carnegie is about how to deal with people and what methods to use. When dealing with people, whether they are acquaintances, coworkers, employees, or employers, you must adhere to three fundamental principles (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
– Don’t complain, condemn, or criticize.
– Express gratitude in an honest and sincere manner
– Inspire a burning desire in the other person.
The first principle of Carnegie advocates getting to know people and figuring out what makes them tick. Finding out what drives their personality, actions, and behavior is crucial. Acquire empathy and comprehension rather than immediately criticizing, condemning, or complaining about someone. It is always beneficial for both parties to show kindness. When necessary, be patient and understanding (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
The second principle emphasizes genuine and sincere appreciation. We’re all human, and we all like to feel valued. People will appreciate your sincerity when you show appreciation and are honest; If you’re saying what you think they want to hear, they can tell. The sincere appreciation expressed through kind words will never be forgotten; It gives them confidence and lifts them up (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Carnegie explains that the only way to get someone to do something you want them to do is to make them want to do it. Make them want it too. We are obstinate; Instead of boasting about our ideas and what needs to be done, we need to feel motivated to do things. Please step back, let others believe they came up with the idea, and let them feel like they own it and are responsible for it. You will benefit from this, as they will be motivated to succeed (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
“First, make the other person want what you want. The entire world is with the person who can do this. Whoever is unable to do so travels alone (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Step.2 How to get others to like you
We all want to be liked by other people; The second idea by Carnegie lays out six guiding principles for making people like you.
– Be genuine in your interest in others.
– Keep in mind that a person’s name is crucial.
– Encourage others to talk about themselves and be a good listener.
– Talk about the interests of the other person.
– Be sincere and make the other person feel important.
Carnegie reminds us that you must be there for the benefit of others as well as yourself in order to form genuine friendships. If you can show genuine interest in other people, you’ll be well on your way to making them like you (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
It affects more than just you. You must go above and beyond for others if you want a relationship to last. How to Get Things Done and Make Friends) It would be best if you could demonstrate to them that you are thoughtful, empathetic, and selfless, and that they are worthy of your time and effort.
Carnegie makes use of the fact that the then-prince of Wales spent months learning Spanish before going on a South American tour. He did this so that he could speak in his native tongue and make public appearances so that everyone, not just English-speaking people, could hear what he had to say. This demonstrates that he went above and beyond for the natives; He spent time and effort learning a language in order to include everyone (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Make sure to smile. A smile can be so powerful that it’s hard to put into words. Carnegie explains that you can never predict how someone’s day is going or how much personal pressure they are under. However, a simple smile from a friend or stranger can encourage them to smile and make them feel better.
Smiling makes you seem likeable and approachable. However, you shouldn’t constantly frown if you want people to avoid you.
Everything is in the name.
“Remember that a person’s name is the most important sound in any language to that person,” states “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
You are the owner of your name; It makes you unique and a part of who you are. As a result, pay attention to what people say and call them by name. We enjoy hearing our names called; It makes us feel important and special. Carnegie suggests using this tactic with everyone, from the coffee barista at your neighborhood café to the senior executive at your company, in How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Always pay attention! The name is where it all starts.
Being silent while someone speaks is not sufficient; Real interest and active listening are required. It’s a great way to show that you’re paying attention by asking questions about what the other person is talking about and encouraging them to go deeper into the conversation. Because we enjoy talking about ourselves, we rarely require much prompting from others; Give them a chance and pay attention to what they have to say (How to Influence People and Win Friends).
Take note. Keep in mind that the people you’re speaking with are a hundred times more concerned with themselves, their issues, and their wants, than you are.
What do they enjoy doing?
Carnegie explains that it is beneficial for both parties to discuss another person’s interests. A new reward is given to you each time you talk to someone (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Step.3 How to persuade others to adopt your way of thinking
The 12 principles in this section of Carnegie’s book are all about inspiring others to adopt your way of thinking. Carnegie suggests doing that this way:
How do you convince others to adopt your perspective?
- Avoiding an argument is the only way to get the most out of it.
- Learn from your mistake and move on.
- Respect the viewpoint of the other person.
- Begin with a positive attitude.
- It is necessary to persuade the other person to say, “Yes, yes!”
- Allow the other person to speak most of the time.
- Create the impression that the other person has the idea.
- Try to see things through their eyes.
- Share their perspectives and objectives with empathy.
- Make a plea to ideals above all else.
- Give your thoughts a face.
- Set a high standard.
Avoid Arguments – Respect the perspectives of others.
It’s important to remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Carnegie also emphasizes the importance of never admitting wrongdoing. Regardless of whether it’s your partner, a coworker, or a customer. Even if you disagree, don’t tell them they’re wrong; They will only be furious as a result. Maintain your cool, instead; Your message (How to Win Friends and Influence People) will be easier to convey.
Respect the perspectives of others – When you are wrong, admit it.
Even the best of us experience this; Sometimes we are all wrong. Carnegie also suggests that if you are wrong, you should admit it as quickly and clearly as you can. Everyone aspires to be honest, and if you admit when you are wrong, others will respect and trust you. You will only make a bad impression if you immediately respond with defense. When you give in, you get more than you bargained for (How to Win Friends and Influence People), whereas when you fight, you never get enough.
When you are wrong, admit it – Be friendly.
There are two ways to handle a new person or circumstance. You can be friendly, warm, and welcoming. or distant, hard to talk to, and aloof. People are more likely to respond in the way you want them to if you are friendly and kind. It’s easy for me to do.
Be friendly – Yes Yes !
The game’s objective is to get the other person to immediately respond “yes, yes.” Carnegie once more brings up the “Socratic method.” His rival was prompted by a question that Socrates knew they would have to agree on. (How to Win Friends and Influence People) He would continue in this manner, asking one question after the next, until his opponent agreed to something they might not have previously agreed to.
Step. 4 How to change people without making them feel bad or making them angry
- Begin with genuine appreciation and praise.
- Indirectly draw attention to people’s errors.
- Before you criticize other people, talk about your own mistakes.
- Instead of giving direct orders, ask questions.
- Let the other person keep their cool.
- Praise every improvement, not just the smallest one.
- Give the other person a good name to uphold.
- Encouragement makes mistakes appear simple to fix.
- Doing the thing you suggested makes the other person happy.
Sincere thanks and praise
At the beginning of a conversation, express gratitude and praise. The other person will immediately feel more confident and proud of themselves. They’ll be more open to what you have to say as they get to know you better.
Be subtle when discussing errors.
This is a result of the previous rule; It’s great to begin with appreciation and praise; However, if you conclude that statement with the word “but” and then discuss their error, you undo all of the good work you did with the initial statement. A sensitive person will learn and accept a mistake better if you can talk about it in a more indirect way. Some people benefit from direct criticism, but most of us are too afraid to hear it.
Recognize your own shortcomings
We are all human, and no one has ever been perfect. Everybody has made mistakes. Before discussing someone else’s mistakes, Carnegie advises admitting your own. Say it in a way that makes it clear why they made the mistake; You have already done it in the past. Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) believes that this will be a successful strategy for persuading someone to alter their behavior.
It’s easy to get the impression that you have to tell people exactly when and what to do. In contrast, Carnegie explains that describing a situation to your employees and asking them to recommend the best course of action is a more effective way to accelerate work (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Consequently, they control the situation; How to Persuade Others and Make Friends) They will be able to come up with ideas and stick with the work to get more done.
Allow them to keep their good name. Shameful behavior is unnecessary because shame is unpleasant for everyone. The only thing you’re doing is hurting their ego. You don’t want to hurt their self-confidence or pride, even if they are wrong. I place more importance on him than I do on how he sees himself. How to Influence Others and Make Friends: It is illegal to disrespect a man’s dignity.
Always be praising People respond better when they feel good about themselves, so Carnegie encourages you to praise every gain, even the smallest one.
“Discuss how people develop. We can accomplish a lot more than just change people if you and I can make the people we meet realize the treasures they hold. We can modify them.
When you criticize someone, you hurt them, make them feel less good about themselves, and probably make them do worse things in the future. On the other hand, when you give someone praise, you are using your authority to inspire them to work harder and better, boost their self-esteem, and motivate them. If they feel valued and appreciated, people can work to their full potential (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Carnegie advises you to build a good reputation so that others can admire you. The obvious one is: to set an example for others. Make yourself look good to other people; Give them an incentive to live up to your name.
Carnegie explains that you should never directly tell someone they did something stupid or dumb. Make the fix simple. They will lose all motivation to improve as a result. Instead, it would be beneficial if you offered them encouragement and the idea that they could handle the problem on their own. They will experience feelings of encouragement and support as a result, and they will go above and beyond to improve the situation (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
The final piece of advice given by Carnegie was to do good deeds for other people to make them happy. They are more likely to do an excellent job if they are so happy to continue. Therefore, you must excite and inspire them (How to Win Friends and Influence People) if you want them to approach a task with joy and determination.